Top 5 Best Drugs

-- By The Golden Boy

Drugs. They sure are wonderful... aside from hangovers, vomiting, loss of brain cells, lethargy, weight gain from munchies, and, oh yea, thousands of addicts who enter into treatment programs every day. But aside from all that stuff, there's lots of good. You ever have sex? You ever have sex ON WEED?! Cigarettes and pizza at 3 a.m. just taste way better when you're wasted. Or how about family events? Those are way easier to deal with after a few drinks.

Here's our Top 5 list of Best Drugs.

5. Alcohol. It's a depressant, sure, but when you're drunk, all is right with the world. You can take your pants off at a wedding, dance around the floor, give the bride a lap dance, and everyone forgives you the next day because they were just as shit faced. Hangovers are a bitch, but it's nothing some greasy diner eggs can't cure the next afternoon when you wake up.
Drinking also improves your sex life and dancing skills, while making you more appealing to the opposite sex... at least in your mind.4. Opium
This is a drug not many people get to try, but I can tell you, there was a very good reason for an opium war. it's hard to find in the states, because it doesn't grow well here. But if you can, it's a treat. This stuff tastes like potpourri and gives you a really strong body buzz. It's relaxing, however, highly addictive. It's what heroine is made from, but if you can handle smoking it hear and there, it's like riding a unicorn naked through a field of gumdrop trees.
3. Mushrooms
"Shrooms" or "Magic Mushrooms" are also a body high. They are similar to acid, but with less hallucinations. It's more like smoking some really intense pot, but with slight visuals. Colors seem more vibrant, tastes seem more intense. I once took these while hiking up a mountain in Hawaii. The colors were so intense, clean, and the air seemed so fresh. There's no intense drop-off, like with acid. It's cleaner and more natural, but less intense.

2. Marijuana
It's cheap, not addictive, fun, social, and no one has ever died from it (at least that we know of... talk to Bob Marley's ghost). The problem with pot is that there are many different varieties. Some of them are pure dirt. They get you high, but you're tired, paranoid, and it's not a lot of fun. Then, there are some stupid good grades that get you so high, all you can do is sit on the couch.
However, for the most part, it's a lot of fun. Lords knows I spent many of my teen years making bongs out of everything from a potato to a cookie jar, sneaking out to the parking lot or a park with my friends to get high, laugh and have a good time. Ahhh... memories. It's hard to smoke too much, which is another benefit and reason for it being number two on the list. And you don't really get too banged up after you come down.

1. Acid
There is no other drug like it. People have different personalities. I've never had a "bad trip." I've only had completely amazing experiences where I have seen all kinds of crazy hallucinations but never freaked out. Some people get really self-conscious and that'll take the joy out of any buzz. But for five bucks, with some good acid, you'll trip for 10 hours, and when you come down, have had a life-changing experience. You see the world a little different, you've walked down the path of insanity and came back to reality with a renewed sense of what getting high can be like.
That said, I've only done it a handful of time because of this. Nonetheless, it was an incredible experience. My street turned into a beautiful, flowing river. The snow shined in the dark, and the street lamps were stars.
But it lasts for up to 10-12 hours, so you have to be prepared. It can be very intense.
And, despite what your mother said, there is no boy in the local hospital who thinks he's a glass of orange juice.

Top 5 Sports Press Conference Meltdowns

-- By The Golden Boy

This was a tough one. There are so many classics. like Dennis Green Pounding the podium, screaming about the Bears being who they thought they were, or Terrel Owens breaking down into tears that the press is being unfair to Tony Romo.

Here are our Top 5 Sports Press Conference Meltdowns.

5. Jim Mora had to make the list. It's really not so much that he lost his cool, but that this clip has become a classic sports soundbite. It had to make the list.


4. Bob Knight has had some classic moments, but this one is sincerely funny. We here at Worst to Least think Knight is a douche, but this clip will make even the most ardent Knight haters laugh.


3. Mike Gundy takes a local reporter to task. Granted, sometimes the press can write articles you don't agree with as a coach, but that's just the nature of the beast. This was totally unprofessional, but his folly is our entertainment. Enjoy.

2. Coach John Chaney of Temple University Basketball loses his shit after a game, scaring the press, embarassing the university, its fans and players, but making the rest of us laugh our fat asses off. Thank you, John Chaney. Thank you.


1. What would a Top 5 Sports Press Conference Meltdown be without Iron Mike Tyson topping the list. If we didn't, he'd probably find us, step on our testicles, bite our ears off, and eat our children.

Top 5 Reasons to Hate Tom Brady

-- By Sweet Lew


As if there were only five …

5. He’s accomplished more by age 30 than most people do their whole lifetimes. How could you NOT hate a guy like that? There are players like Dan Marino, Dan Fouts and Warren Moon, who had spectacular careers who never won a Super Bowl. Credit Bill Belichick.

4. He gets to sleep with Giselle Bundchen every night. Well, there’s that. She is to hotness what sand is to the desert: A perfect embodiment. It's just not fair. You're not supposed to have it all. We're all waiting for him to get testicular cancer or get burned from head to toe in a meth lab explosion.3. His smirk. He brings it out in interviews sometimes after games, when the Pats have stomped a hapless foe. He comes off like a regular guy, he’s cocky as anyone else in the NFL. And damn him and Belichick for running up the score in blow outs. (that could be its own Top 5 reason to hate hits rotten, pretty boy guts)2. He’s on TV too much. For a while there, between the credit card commercials and the NFL promos, I was seeing Brady on TV more than Bob Barker or Chris Berman. The Patriots are constantly shoved down our throats by the television networks, and Brady-lash has set in.

How could you not hate this douche after watching this commercial?!


1. He’s barely suffered in the NFL. Guy sits on the bench for a year, comes on in relief of Drew Bledsoe and promptly wins the Super Bowl. He then wins two more, loses a fourth, and has yet to have a losing season in the league. He also owns the TD record, and has been the beneficiary of great coach and ownership, who always seem to bring in great players. Shouldn’t he have to endure a 3-13 at some point?

Greatest moment in NFL history?

Top 5 Worst States in the Union

-- By Sweet Lew

OK, everyone either thinks their state totally kicks butt, or they can’t wait to move. But where to go? Here are the Top 5 places you should definitely NOT go.

5. South Carolina. Again, a state that truly believes the 1861-65 “Act of Northern Aggression” thing ruined the world forever has to be on this list. The Confederate flag, a symbol of hatred and oppression for 29 percent of its population (that figure is from the 2000 Census), still flies joyously over the statehouse. Nothing to see here except Myrtle Beach and Charleston, and you’ll never get to the former because of all the traffic on US 17.

4. New Jersey. Look, I’m from New York and I’m legally obligated to put down the Garden State whenever possible. It smells something like a hobo's taint in much of the state, it’s leaders are so crooked Chicago politicians study them for advice, and the fact they produced Springsteen, Sinatra and Bon Jovi only gets you so many points. Stone washed jeans and mullets alone make up for the few great musicians from "Joysey."

3. Wyoming. They gave us Dick Cheney and took away Matthew Shepard. Enough said.

2. Mississippi. There are 4,843 jokes I could make about Mississippi, and believe me, they’re all true. But I’ll just say that there’s a reason many of the most disgraceful racial crimes in American history happened there, and why Alabama is so grateful to have Mississippi around: Someone can be 50th in things and it doesn’t always have to be ‘Bama.

1. North Dakota. It’s cold, it’s rural, there’s not much tourism to speak of, and did I mention it’s really freakin’ cold? Sorry, when there are more animals than people in a state, that’s a good sign to stay away. South Dakota’s not exactly, you know, Paris, but at least they’ve got Mount Rushmore and the Mitchell Corn Palace (trust me, look it up. It’s awesome).

Top 5 Best Sports Uniforms

Since we've already done the top 5 worst unis, we definitely need to do the Top 5 best (and by the way, it's a travesty that the Vancouver Canucks didn't make that list. A travesty!)


-- By Sweet Lew

5. Oakland A's, 1970s: Man these things were sweet. Gold jerseys, with white pants, with a green and gold stripe down the middle. They were badass, and so were the A's back then.














4. L.A. Kings, 1990s: After Wayne Gretzky arrived the team with one of the worst uniforms ever turned into a team with one of the best: The solid black with the silver crest in the middle kicked ass, as did their white jerseys with the silver in the middle. No wonder the "Wayne's World" guys loved 'em.











3. Houston Astros 1980s: I know some people hated them, but I loved them. They were so bright, so different, and man, you just CAN'T go wrong with horizontal stripes.



















2. New York Yankees. Yeah, I know people hate the Yanks, but how can you hate the pinstripes? They look elegant and regal on even Robinson Cano.













1. San Diego Chargers AFL: Just so beautiful. The powder blue, the lightning bolt, they just looked so clean and so cool. The current Chargers bring them out once a year, but I wish they'd just switch permanently.

Top 5 Worst Sports Uniforms

There are lots of bad sports uniforms, the Anaheim Mighty Ducks and San Diego Padres of the 80s come to mind. But these are our Top 5 Worst Sports Uniforms of all time. The real victims are the athletes, and to them, we pay tribute.

5. Milwaukee Admirals.

Granted, this is an obscure choice, given they are a minor league hockey team, but this uniform looks straight out of a 1970s kitchen from hell.

You don't know if you want to use it to set a picnic on, or play hockey. It's amazing that some executives thought this was a good choice for a jersey, and one can only imagine that some fashion school dropout designed this on a cocaine and acid binge.

4. Old School Pittsburgh Pirates.

It was the jerseys or pants that made this uniform bad, so much as the birthday cake-shaped hat that sat atop the players' domes of this once-mediocre franchise. Although they probably should have kept them, given their continuous 17 losing seasons and counting.

I loved players who had Afros that bunched up and bulged out the sides. Even great players like Roberto Clemente looked silly, despite feats of greatness.

Arrrgh.

3. Old School Denver Nuggets.

Somewhere a drag queen is singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" dressed like Dorothy Gail in a smoky Denver nightclub, and beneath her blue checkered dress is likely a throwback Denver Nuggets Jersey.

The rainbow with the city skyline looks like it belongs not so much in the Mile High City but in the city Jefferson Starship claimed was built on rock and roll.


2. 1976 Chicago White Sox.

Who wears short-shorts? The 1976 Chicago White Sox.

These poor saps had to slip into these plum smugglers, looking more like English school boys or a beer league softball team. I can only imagine how the players felt walking onto the field in these dopey uniforms.

The ill-fated shorts were only used once, during the first half of a double header on August 8th, 1976. Opposing Kansas City Royal John Mayberry exclaimed “You guys are the sweetest team we’ve seen yet.”

They sure were.

1. Tampa Gay Buccaneers... er... Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Tampa hasn't had the sexiest history in the NFL, with more than it's fair share of crappy teams and losing seasons. What could only have added insult to further injury were these creamsicle-colored uniforms with what is clearly the most swishy swashbuckler that ever graced a sports uniform.

Look at the logo: A pirate who clearly just left the Tampa Pride Parade, with earring, thinly groomed mustache, and giant, dramatic feather in cap, seeming to blow in the warm bay breeze as he gives you a jaunty wink. The knife clenched in his teeth only makes the other feminine apects seem more feminine.

Top 5 Worst Alcoholic Beverages

Our in-house alcoholic breaks down the Top 5 Worst Alcoholic Beverages. There are so many to choose from, but these are our Top 5.

-- By Pappa Bear

5. Anything with Patrone. It's the most pompous of all tequila. If you drink this, you're a horse's ass. It's still tequila and it still tastes like a dead Mexican's ass.

4. Schnapps.

It doesn't matter what kind it is, it's sugar, it's alcohol, and you're a pussy if you put this past your lips. Some of the winners from this category are Golschlagger, Puckers, and the high schooler's favorite, Peach Schnapps. If you drink anything called Puckers, you deserve to be shot.

3. Long Island Ice Tea.

It's great for someone who can handle five shots in one drink, but for the majority, it's your death. If you wake up in the morning with the taste of death and roofies is in your mouth, you earned it if you were drinking Long Island ice tea.

2. Pabst Blue Ribbon.

If you drink this, you are a hipster douche bag, you're clothes are too tight, you wear plastic, black framed glasses, and you have never actually heard Iron Maiden, despite wearing ther T-shit. I hate you, and Eddie is going to kill you.

1. Gin and juice.

Follow me on this. Thanks to Snoop Dog, every white boy who thought he was black in the late '90's drank Tanqueray and anything they could get it mixed with (namely Hawaiian Punch). If this was you, you're a worthless wanna-be ghetto sack of bootleg CDs who lives with your mom, wears a triple X Trailblazers jerseys and calls your friends "Nukka." There's no reason for you to still be on this earth, and there's no reason for anyone to drink Tanqueray. It sucks, and so do you.