Top 5 Best Sports Uniforms

Since we've already done the top 5 worst unis, we definitely need to do the Top 5 best (and by the way, it's a travesty that the Vancouver Canucks didn't make that list. A travesty!)


-- By Sweet Lew

5. Oakland A's, 1970s: Man these things were sweet. Gold jerseys, with white pants, with a green and gold stripe down the middle. They were badass, and so were the A's back then.














4. L.A. Kings, 1990s: After Wayne Gretzky arrived the team with one of the worst uniforms ever turned into a team with one of the best: The solid black with the silver crest in the middle kicked ass, as did their white jerseys with the silver in the middle. No wonder the "Wayne's World" guys loved 'em.











3. Houston Astros 1980s: I know some people hated them, but I loved them. They were so bright, so different, and man, you just CAN'T go wrong with horizontal stripes.



















2. New York Yankees. Yeah, I know people hate the Yanks, but how can you hate the pinstripes? They look elegant and regal on even Robinson Cano.













1. San Diego Chargers AFL: Just so beautiful. The powder blue, the lightning bolt, they just looked so clean and so cool. The current Chargers bring them out once a year, but I wish they'd just switch permanently.

Top 5 Worst Sports Uniforms

There are lots of bad sports uniforms, the Anaheim Mighty Ducks and San Diego Padres of the 80s come to mind. But these are our Top 5 Worst Sports Uniforms of all time. The real victims are the athletes, and to them, we pay tribute.

5. Milwaukee Admirals.

Granted, this is an obscure choice, given they are a minor league hockey team, but this uniform looks straight out of a 1970s kitchen from hell.

You don't know if you want to use it to set a picnic on, or play hockey. It's amazing that some executives thought this was a good choice for a jersey, and one can only imagine that some fashion school dropout designed this on a cocaine and acid binge.

4. Old School Pittsburgh Pirates.

It was the jerseys or pants that made this uniform bad, so much as the birthday cake-shaped hat that sat atop the players' domes of this once-mediocre franchise. Although they probably should have kept them, given their continuous 17 losing seasons and counting.

I loved players who had Afros that bunched up and bulged out the sides. Even great players like Roberto Clemente looked silly, despite feats of greatness.

Arrrgh.

3. Old School Denver Nuggets.

Somewhere a drag queen is singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" dressed like Dorothy Gail in a smoky Denver nightclub, and beneath her blue checkered dress is likely a throwback Denver Nuggets Jersey.

The rainbow with the city skyline looks like it belongs not so much in the Mile High City but in the city Jefferson Starship claimed was built on rock and roll.


2. 1976 Chicago White Sox.

Who wears short-shorts? The 1976 Chicago White Sox.

These poor saps had to slip into these plum smugglers, looking more like English school boys or a beer league softball team. I can only imagine how the players felt walking onto the field in these dopey uniforms.

The ill-fated shorts were only used once, during the first half of a double header on August 8th, 1976. Opposing Kansas City Royal John Mayberry exclaimed “You guys are the sweetest team we’ve seen yet.”

They sure were.

1. Tampa Gay Buccaneers... er... Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Tampa hasn't had the sexiest history in the NFL, with more than it's fair share of crappy teams and losing seasons. What could only have added insult to further injury were these creamsicle-colored uniforms with what is clearly the most swishy swashbuckler that ever graced a sports uniform.

Look at the logo: A pirate who clearly just left the Tampa Pride Parade, with earring, thinly groomed mustache, and giant, dramatic feather in cap, seeming to blow in the warm bay breeze as he gives you a jaunty wink. The knife clenched in his teeth only makes the other feminine apects seem more feminine.

Top 5 Worst Alcoholic Beverages

Our in-house alcoholic breaks down the Top 5 Worst Alcoholic Beverages. There are so many to choose from, but these are our Top 5.

-- By Pappa Bear

5. Anything with Patrone. It's the most pompous of all tequila. If you drink this, you're a horse's ass. It's still tequila and it still tastes like a dead Mexican's ass.

4. Schnapps.

It doesn't matter what kind it is, it's sugar, it's alcohol, and you're a pussy if you put this past your lips. Some of the winners from this category are Golschlagger, Puckers, and the high schooler's favorite, Peach Schnapps. If you drink anything called Puckers, you deserve to be shot.

3. Long Island Ice Tea.

It's great for someone who can handle five shots in one drink, but for the majority, it's your death. If you wake up in the morning with the taste of death and roofies is in your mouth, you earned it if you were drinking Long Island ice tea.

2. Pabst Blue Ribbon.

If you drink this, you are a hipster douche bag, you're clothes are too tight, you wear plastic, black framed glasses, and you have never actually heard Iron Maiden, despite wearing ther T-shit. I hate you, and Eddie is going to kill you.

1. Gin and juice.

Follow me on this. Thanks to Snoop Dog, every white boy who thought he was black in the late '90's drank Tanqueray and anything they could get it mixed with (namely Hawaiian Punch). If this was you, you're a worthless wanna-be ghetto sack of bootleg CDs who lives with your mom, wears a triple X Trailblazers jerseys and calls your friends "Nukka." There's no reason for you to still be on this earth, and there's no reason for anyone to drink Tanqueray. It sucks, and so do you.

Top 5 Ways to Torment Don Henley

This writer has some issues, namely with Eagles frontman, drummer, guitar player Don Henley. We all hate the Eagles, but this guy takes it to a whole new level. Enjoy.

-- By Pappa Bear

5. Strap him in a chair and make him listen to "Boys of Summer" on a constant loop while I force-feed him creamed corn.

I want to dump lighter fluid on his crotch and make him explain why he wrote the lyric "Dead Head sticker on a Cadilac." Every time he says "I don't know" I either put my cigarette out on his forehead or light his crotch on fire.

4. Follow him around in a non-descript vehicle, and every time "Hotel California" is played on the radio, I shoot him in the nuts with a bee bee gun.

"Hotel California" is one of the most over-played, over-appreciated, over-rated, horrible, horrible song played by a drummer who isn't really a drummer, and a crappy guitar player and singer at that.

3. Find out where he lives and constantly shit on his doorstep. Hey, if I gotta deal with his shitty music, he has to deal with my shit.

2. Drop about 100 pounds (because I'm fat), seduce him into being my lover and and that he's gay, and that the Eagles need to go on tour. While on tour, have Perez Hilton hide in the closet and take pictures on Don Henley giving me a reach-around, thereby destroying his family and everything he has built personaly.

1. Eight guys, one Don Henley.

Once again, Don Henley is tied to a chair. The jumper cables go from the battery to his nippes, and there are 8 men with HIV circling him, and on top of Don's head is a champagn glass. All eight men jerk off into the glass. Mini Me from Austin Powers fame, removes the glass from Don's head, Gary Coleman (needing the paycheck) force feeds him the infected man goo while we play home videos of me having sex with his wife on a massive screen TV as "Hotel California" blairs in the background.

Top 5 Worst Moments of the Bush Administration

The Worst to Least's liberal bias comes shining through on this Top 5 of the Worst Moments of the Bush Administration. Hey, can you blame us for hatin'? There are countless embarrassing, shameless, angering moments that make your body fill with rage as you pound your fists into the wall until they are a bloody mess... well, maybe not that bad. But there are some pretty awful moments. Here are our Top 5. Enjoy!

Top 5 Worst moments of the Bush administration

5. Election theft. George Bush lost the popular vote to Al Gore by more than 540,000. There is no denying that. But the chaos in Florida that ensued was just the first step in what is, no doubt, the worst presidency in American history – and some would argue, the worst leadership under a democratic country.

On November 27, Republican Secretary of State Katherine Harris officially certified Bush as the "winner" in Florida by 537 votes.
Since then independent investigations by the media have revealed that many illegal votes were counted and many legal votes were not.

Unfortunately, Bush, his brother, Gov. Jeb Bush, Secretary of State Katherine Harris, and a partisan Republican majority on the U.S. Supreme Court were too much weighing against Gore to make a stand.

The real tragedy is that the Democrats lost this race, as they did in 2004 when Bush had a wretched approval rating and the country was mired in two unpopular wars. Hand it to the Republicans, they know how to win.

4. Claim of Weapons of Mass Destruction. In February 2003, Secretary of Defense Colin Powell gave a presentation before the U.N. Security Council that was instrumental in convincing both the American public and large swaths of the international community that Saddam Hussein had large stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq that posed an immediate threat to global security. During his speech, Powell told scary tales of mobile biological weapons labs, chemical weapons stockpiles and aluminum tubes that could be used in a nuclear weapons program. All of these claims turned out not only to be wrong, but as Powell later acknowledged was "deliberately misleading."

3. Hurricane Karina. Bush and Vice President Dick Chaney were on vacation when numerous detailed reports of the Level 5 Hurricane hit the desks of our national leaders. Both stayed on vacation when the storm hit, despite numerous warnings and pleads for help from FEMA, as well as several southern coast state representatives.

The Associated Press reported March 1, 2006, that film footage it had obtained, "along with seven days of transcripts of briefings ... show in excruciating detail that while federal officials anticipated the tragedy that unfolded in New Orleans and elsewhere along the Gulf Coast, they were fatally slow to realize they had not mustered enough resources to deal with the unprecedented disaster.” Bush sat on his hands, playing golf, hunting, and living in the lap of luxury while the nation’s worst natural disaster bore its terrible jaws down on the Gulf Coast, taking thousands of lives and leaving a region in ruin.

Bush made a flyby of the wreckage Aug. 31. This was "the perfect metaphor for his entire presidency," Arianna Huffington, of The Huffington Post wrote August 31, 2005, "detached, disconnected, and disengaged. Preferring to take in America's suffering -- whether caused by the war in Iraq or Hurricane Katrina -- from a distance. In this case, 2,500 feet.”

2. Abu Ghraib. In the beginning of 2004, reports of sodomy, rape, physical and psychological torture began to emerge from Abu Ghraib Prison, in Iraq. Several prisoners also died due to torture and effects of malnourishment. Prisoners were put through the ringer – being bloodily beaten, while soldiers mugged for the camera. Soldiers forced prisoners to disrobe and masturbate on camera, pile on top of one another in naked pyramids, and one Iraqi teenage boy was raped by a male soldier as another took photos.

Bush denied any knowledge of torture, however, many -- including this writer -- believe the administration looked the other way. There was a culture of abusing prisoners, calling it “enhanced interrogation techniques.” However, Bush approved memos on torture that have been released. Bush even admits now that he approved of torture and has no regrets.

The United States Department of Defense removed seventeen soldiers and officers from duty, and eleven soldiers were charged with dereliction of duty, maltreatment, aggravated assault, and battery. Between May 2004 and March 2006, eleven soldiers were convicted in courts martial, sentenced to military prison, and dishonorably discharged from service. Two soldiers, Specialist Charkes Graner, and his former fiancée, Specialist Lynndie England, were sentenced to ten years and three years in prison, respectively.

It’s hard to believe that soldiers are rotting in jail just because they followed the orders of the commander in chief. Why isn’t Bush in jail?

1. The invasion of Iraq. There has been no bigger folly than the invasion of Iraq, from there being no WMDs, to claiming victory under a “Mission Accomplished” banner, to its pointless drag-out. There was no threat from Hussein, who I will never defend as a person. He was a rotten human being who tortured and murdered innocent people. To date, more than 30,000 soldiers have been wounded or killed in battle, but none of us are quite sure what they’re dying for. There have been even more civilians killed, from bombing raids to accidental deaths of men, women and children caught in the cross fire and suicide bombings.

The entire situation is maddening. The invasion was built on lies, and has continued to line the pockets of private companies. The total number of private contractors now outnumbers soldiers in both Afghanistan and Iraq – a first in American history.

A positive was the capture of Hussein, and I give credit to the hard-working soldiers who captured him. But we are wondering as a collective public how the country will be better. We’ve left them with a poorly prepared security force, torn down their economy, left their cities and landscapes scabbed with the wounds of war, and made more enemies along the way.

The entire war reeks of profiteering, bad intelligence, lost life, and a foul taste left in the mouths of the American people who look for meaning in the war.

Bush denies torture



Cheney admits torture - though stands by it